What a fucking waste of an outfit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
