I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
