i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
