If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
