I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
