dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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