I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
