my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
