i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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