i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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