But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My liver just broke up with me...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize