i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
