Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
