1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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