I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
