Do you still have your period?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
