either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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