he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
