dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
