remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize