im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
