There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
