hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
