Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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