oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
