Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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