im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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