You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
