Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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