Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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