Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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