I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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