Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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