remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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