she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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