either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
