I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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