He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
