i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
