He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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