Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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