i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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