yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
