Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
