He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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