I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize