Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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