You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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