I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
