so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
