as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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