For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
