The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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