I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
