i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
