How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
