ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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