did you get engaged???
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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