did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
