the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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