I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
