Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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