So drunk its hurt
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
