I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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