i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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