6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
