I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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