i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
