Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This house was built for laser tag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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