sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize