Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
