Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
