if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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