I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
