Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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