this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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