he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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