Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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