i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize