Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
