i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
