you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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