Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
