that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
