we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize