I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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