Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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