My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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