You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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