saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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