bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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