She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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